Bigger than Myself?

After many sleepless nights and feeling an indescribable sensation tugging at my Soul, I realize that I need to be apart of a Movement. I want to work with a group of like minded individuals in pursuit of a greater cause....an even Grander existence. As much joy as my daughter gives me, I know that I am not half the Mother I aim to be...... that I will be..... once I come to live my Divine purpose. This is a process I know, but I am overwhelmed by the infinite possibilities this discovery will bring.

Actually, my daughter is the source of my motivation. From my journey, I hope she learns that all things are possible, to never be afraid of Self Discovery and always stay true to her inner voice. As cliche as my wishes are for my daughter, these are the greatest challenges of our lives. It's difficult to put in practice, but once developed Life takes on a new meaning. You begin to see things through a new set of eyes. Herein lies the power of positioning oneself to give an exclusive contribution to the World.

As an only child and the oldest grandchild on both sides of my family, I have grown accustomed to being alone. Up until recently, I thought I enjoyed living in solace. I purposefully alienated myself so that I didn't have to thank anyone for being there for me. I thought it a sign of weakness to call upon people even at my lowest points. God forbid if and when I did ask that no one was available or able to step in; I would somehow take this as a form of rejection and retreat back into my hole.

I have trust issues plain and simple. I much rather people depend on me, but somehow I've made it impossible to depend on others. The more I open up to new experiences and new relationships the more I see the bubble I've lived in. I think it's time to burst my bubble.

If all goes well, my daughter will never know it's possible to live in a bubble. She'll only see the world with her in it.......

Finding My Inner Strength

Her cries, hidden in the darkness, trace the tears of the stresses of a looming Divorce, the demands of responsible parenting and the piercing acceptance that True Love almost always never stands a chance. The hollowness in her soul compares to that of a corpse, the emptiness of her mind is the only things that eases the pain. A stillness comes over her and she listens to the song of Silence. Her Spirit finds a chord that seeks Balance, a pitch that yearns for Life and a melody that savors Peace.

She is no stranger to letting the pain burn, yet this time she knows that she's reached new peaks on the mountain that is her strength. A feeling of accomplishment brings a smile to her face as she brushes her shoulders off to begin a journey declining from this High place......

Spiritually, we have several stellar examples of prophets, teachers, gurus and mystics who, when all Earthly weapons sought to murder their very Soul, retreated to the wilderness, the desert, the moutaintop, the most disciplined Meditations. Undoutedly, like any of us, they questioned whether they were truly chosen or capable of assuming such a great calling. The one and only thing that they all have in common....... that we all have in common.........is Sacrifice.

What are willing to sacrifice in the name of living our best life ? When is enough, enough? When do we reach our breaking point? How do we overcome obstacles? Where does the healing begin? These questions seem to trace lines through my heart as veins follow paths to my internal organs. The answers are our source of Life.

.........Reflectively, the cliche: 'The same people you see going up; you will see going down' comes to mind. Her face beams rays of triumph and glows of perseverance. High off of the inclination she found filled with Beautiful exposures that often evade most, she feels pride and honor for the chance to be triumphant through the skirmishes......the fights......the battles......the wars.

She is me and I am her.....and this is my Sacrifice....

My inner voice says "Job well done....."